I don't know how many times I've talked myself out of impulsively buying the Sims 3. It seems that now that I have a rent payment, an electric bill and a phone bill, I'm learning to become more money savvy. This feels good. Shockingly, I can live without the Sims 3. At least until I've set aside enough to buy it.

I had my American Lit exam today and that seemed to go well. I hope I did well on it. I didn't know one of the quotes but I think my essays were decent. I just hope I get a good grade...

Also, Mom and Dad and Mema and Katrina are all visiting me this weekend. I'm really excited. Friday I can go to Verizon and get my new phone, then I'm going to deposit the electric checks from the girls and then Mom and Dad and Mema will be in Binghamton and I can go to dinner (and hopefully ice cream in Apalachin). Then I go to work Saturday morning and then Katrina's spending the night and then I'll just dick around Sunday and do work and hopefully have quality time with my friend before she leaves.

Good good. Binghamton's just starting to become bearable. Hilarious that I leave in two and a half weeks. I'm ridiculous sometimes.

This has been one hell of week.

1. My laptop died on Thursday.
2. My cell phone's screen got all messed up on Tuesday.
3. It's the week before my period.
4. It was my first week of work at the Johnson City Wegmans.
5. It was my second week away from my family.

A few of these things have been remedied, thank God. Today, my parents and my grandmother visited me to have dinner (I asked them to come down because I've been so lonely) and ended up buying me a new laptop because they're the most amazing human beings on the planet. Then, I went to Verizon to see if they could fix my phone's screen and I found out I'm eligible for an upgrade next week, so I'll be getting a brand new phone for $30 on Friday. Finally, I've seemed to settle in to work and I'm getting to know the people there, most of whom seem really awesome. The work is easy and the atmosphere is great. It's an actual pleasure to be there, though I always dread going to work (it's just the idea).

So it looks like the only thing that really sucks anymore is the fact that my period starts next week. That and I miss my family a lot (they left a couple of hours ago to drive home). This'll be my third week in Bing, though, meaning I'll only have two left after this one's through, meaning I'm so close to going home I can taste it. I'm counting on that to carry me through the next 21 days. Still, I'm lonely. Too much alone time, you know?

So I'm taking summer classes at Binghamton and I am seriously beginning to question what the HELL motivated me to do this. Still, I am getting credit for two classes that I need for my major and that's one less thing I'll have to worry about next semester. I also start working at the Johnson City Wegmans next Monday so I get to give that a little trial run before making a commitment for the semester (though my hands are kind of tied by two dickwads name Rent and Bills). I'm thinking it'll go well, though. The head chef over there is putting me in a totally new department, which is exciting (I've been making pizzas for two years now) and he gave me 30 hours next week alone. Hopefully I can make a fair amount of money while I'm here in Bing and then I can set some aside for Ren Fest. The trick will be to get my boss in Corning to give me the same hours. Somehow, I doubt she will. The Corning store is full of work-Nazis now.

To cut back on my bills, I've elected not to renew my contract this June and it'll end this December. Once the contract ends I'm going to get a pay-as-you-go plan and keep the talking to a minimum, hopefully. I've already had to ask my parents to pay my rent check for this week because I had to buy food and books for summer classes. I also have to shell out $93 (contributing to a $650 security deposit) to have the electric and gas turned on in the house on Seminary for this coming semester. I really have to get my shit around tomorrow morning and get up early so I can apply for a student loan through Wells Fargo. I'm going to apply for an 8500 loan and hope to God that's enough to last me. I'll be working next semester, so that'll help, but... yeah.

That's pretty much it for now. I'm going home this weekend and I'm pretty excited. I get a lot of joy out of going to Bill's on Saturday mornings for breakfast and lazing around the house and going to the diner with my grandmother. It's really enjoyable. I promise.

P.S. When the hell did Jeremy Sisto sign up to be on Law & Order? o.O

Things have been bizarre lately. I got this really random e-mail on Facebook from someone I haven't been friends with since 11th grade, then I get my friendship semi-thrown in my face by another person I thought had been my friend all along. All this has led me to the realization that going away changed me... a lot. I knew it would but I was hoping against hope that I wouldn't come home and completely re-evaluate all the relationships in my life. Sadly, I'm doing just that, and it's looking like some people aren't going to make the cut this time around. One of my best friends since middle school has suddenly been filed in my mind as ambition-less and kind of a waste of my time. It hurts to know that I'm essentially giving up on some people, especially since I think I'm a pretty decent friend most of the time. But I guess it's kind of necessary.

One of the friends I'm most upset with has been depressed lately because of romantic issues. She has every right to be and it just dawned on me that the reason I've been so upset with her lately is because I'm jealous of her. She had a great relationship for three years, she's financially independent, she's going to community college, she has a well-paying job and she just bought a new car.

I live it home and can barely afford groceries, let alone my phone bill, prescriptions and other personal expenses.

Work has also been somewhat of a shit-hole. The new management that was brought in last summer has made working there absolutely miserable; the workers are barely allowed to associate with each other and talk in between our duties. They expect us to keep our heads down, our mouths shut and to not complain... ever. They're keeping us open an hour later on Sundays even though business is slow as hell all day each week. They're essentially going to waste money and make us miserable. The old management team understood that though we were employees, we had lives outside of work. This management team is convinced that a Wegmans employee's life should center around Wegmans only. No calling in sick, no taking time off, no friendly work association, no enjoyment, no fun. Just work and pure misery.

Needless to say I've been looking for a new job. However, going away to school for 8 months out of the year is preventing me from getting anything that pays better than Wegmans (I make $7.90 there and everyone else wants to pay me minimum wage, which is $7.15 in New York State). I got a callback from Sitel, the Verizon call center Mom works for now, but they basically told me that I was beat until I was out of school. The lovely HR rep was nice enough to tell me just how much they liked my application before informing me I'd only be worth something to them once my education was complete.

In essence, I have officially become the miserably poor college student with bills to pay and no way to pay them. I have a $45 cell phone bill that needs paying and only $160 to last me the next two weeks. That INCLUDES buying groceries for my temporary apartment in Binghamton next week, when I move down there for five weeks of summer classes. FUCK MY LIFE.

On top of that my grandmother has been getting even more cranky with age. Every time I have a disagreement with her or I tell her that something's amiss at home, she immediately turns it into a situation that's all about here, a situation where she's been victimized. It's getting to be too much to handle. I told her I was going to a party with friends this Saturday and my 84-year-old grandmother grabbed my arm, yanked me over to her and demanded to know if I would be drinking. I promptly informed her I would be (with elaborate detail, mostly just to shock her though it was all the truth) and she just stared at me, all wide-eyed, while I not-so-gently ripped my arm out of her grip. That little moment honestly unsettled me a lot. She never would have laid a hand on me a couple years ago, which just reaffirms my belief that she's slowly becoming more senile, which scares me because I really liked to chill with non-crazy Mema, not crazy-I'mma-grab-you Mema.

... I think she's under the impression that I time-traveled to the '30s instead of abroad to Ireland. Her mindset is so utterly Prohibition. It's irritating, really. At least Mom and Dad realize that I'm an adult and I will make my own decisions. She just constantly makes me feel bad about myself. I don't know... maybe I should feel bad about myself.

So the moral of all that is I know it could be worse. I could be dying of dysentery or live in a cardboard box on the streets. I could have cancer or some other incurable disease. But I don't... these are the problems I have and at this point in time, I'm just generally pissed off and overwhelmed and lots of other stuff. I just really don't want to let it show because that's not me. Sure, I bitch about the little things but the big things get discussed for a couple minutes and then dropped, ignored with the hope that they'll just go away on their own.

Damn it. I fail at adult problem-solving.